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Not a girl the way you want a girl

its amazing really what your mind can do. after probably 4 or so…

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its amazing really what your mind can do.

after probably 4 or so months of not talking to the rabbi son, we've made contact again.
this almost 31 yr old man could drive me to tears and probably has on at least one occasion.
but as i wrote him a new email, responding to his last one, about 10 mins after i sent it i realized...i forgot some key things i wanted to share with him.

like the fact that my biological father is trying to physically reenter my life and i'd much rather he didn't. or if he did reenter my life that he'd help me out and NOT do it physically. or ask me how i felt about it. or anything! the man called me again this morning, its just always so damn early when he calls that i don't want to answer cause i am not ready to tell him NOT to come. not unless its later in the day and i am prepared. and he gives me no choice cause i can't call him back...so i have to wait! fucker.

i told him i was leaving Portland on Tuesday...but didn't tell him where. why can't i just write...hey Alex, I'm coming to nyc. i am staying right outside the city, and a few nights I'll stay in the city. and i am going to Connecticut too. oh and btw did i mention i am bringing my fabulous younger anarchist boyfriend?

instead i write him about living without constraints because he wrote in his letter "I often feel like I'm working under constraints, but then realize there are no constraints. Try to think like that some time, and see how it works!" and i found this to be quite presumptuous on his part. he has no idea what i a like anymore if he can say this. and it also seemed quite patronizing because of this "try to think like that sometime, and see how it works!" comment. wtf?
if he has any idea how i think he's DEAD wrong.

i should be working on my papers...going to omsi later today.
working at the rabbi's place again.

btw i will address the comment from my last entry very soon. who ever you are, just so ya know, you really hurt me.

*i wish i'd hear from jack.*
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