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Not a girl the way you want a girl

"these words are my own..."

"these words are my own..."

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i told some people from my science class about sean last night. and they were amazed by how well i seem to be doing. i think i worry about that with people i know. that they think i got better too fast or that i should seem more of a mess. i am a little surprised the more i think about what they've said. though last night i had a flashback of a memory, i've been thinking about this ever since the conversation with those classmates.

of course i miss him, I'll always miss him. hell i was way crazy for 6 months, i know that. i knew the only way to feel okay about all this was to get better and do things for me.

wait, do i have to be sad? it is a sad state of affairs that he's not with us. absolutely. of course i miss him, he changed my life. but to be honest i can't imagine where I'd be if he was here. i mean i was planning on sleeping with him right when i got back. we talked about it. how would've that helped me? really?! could i really gotten over him? to watch him be with others would tear me apart.

i can't hear joy division without remembering him. i know i fell in love with new order when he passed, they helped me though it, on some level. i remember the CD release party for Mirah, which was hard but ended up being an important thing for my grieving.

I'm okay, and its okay that i don't get "sad" about it. i don't know. i know this though...i don't really need to explain any of this to anyone but myself. so i really don't know why i feel the need to post this.

i love you all.

have to head to work...
  • Hey, how's it going?

    I just came across your journal and noticed you're into Sigur Ros - I absolutely adore them, their music is so wonderful. ♥

    Mind if I add you on my buddybuddy list?
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